The Reality of His Love

Tonight was girls night at my house. My cousin, little sister and I watched "Drive Me Crazy" which is  a 90's chick flick. For those who haven't seen it let me give you a quick summary. 


It's a classic 90's story of two high school teenagers who both get dumped by their boyfriend/girlfriend. In an effort to get their ex's back, the main characters decide to make them jealous by dating one another. In true chick flick style they end up falling in love with one another. During the last 10 minutes of the movie they confess their love in a ridiculously corny, albeit sweet way. 


Of course all of us watching oh and awe at the sweetness of the moment. I walked away in the daze that sets in after  a movie like that, day dreaming about when I'll get  to have corny, sweet things said to me.


A few minutes after the movie ended I struck with an unforeseen conversation with the Lord.  I began to be questioned on why I wanted what was in the movie. What was the motivation behind it? It is loneliness? Or do I desire that because I want the Lord to be glorified thorough it? When I answered more questions came.

Slowly I realized that He was reminding  me that I am currently in the midst of the greatest love story of all time.  I am so easy to forget that being in love with my Jesus is so much better than any thing that Hollywood writers could ever come up with. Who am I kidding? I watch stupid movies that me leave pinning after something so temporary and empty, when I could pick up my bible and be wooed by the King of Kings.  I mean really, who would want to watch a movie when the Lord of creation says this to your heart:


"And now, here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to start all over again. I'm taking her back out into the wilderness where we had our first date, and I'll court her. I'll give her bouquets of roses. I'll turn Heartbreak Valley into Acres of Hope. She'll respond like she did as a young girl, those days when she was fresh out of Egypt. "At that time"—this is God's Message still— "you'll address me, 'Dear husband!' Never again will you address me, 'My slave-master!'

I'll wash your mouth out with soap, get rid of all the dirty false-god names, not so much as a whisper of those names again. At the same time I'll make a peace treaty between you and wild animals and birds and reptiles, nd get rid of all weapons of war. Think of it! Safe from beasts and bullies! And then I'll marry you for good—forever! I'll marry you true and proper, in love and tenderness. Yes, I'll marry you and neither leave you nor let you go. You'll know me, God, for who I really am." Hosea 2:14-20

I love that passage of scripture because it always speaks right to my heart no matter where I'm at, or who I've been. I can read this and know that somehow beyond any reason I have, Jesus loves me. It leaves me speechless and in awe. His love is more than I can fathom and far beyond my imagination.

I honestly don't know why He loves me like He does. I surely do not deserve it. In life there is not much I feel I can have full confidence in, but I can trust that His love is true. His love is real. His love is everlasting. I can rest in the peace of His love.

I hope that my journey this evening inspires you to go deeper into your relationship with the Lord.

Lesson in Trust

He's standing before me again asking for more. I don't know of anything I have left that He would want. I've willingly given all of my hurts, my brokenness, and my junk to Him. Yet He stands before me and asks for more. I cant help but wonder what else He thinks I have to give. 

Before I even realize whats happening He reaches into my heart and gently pulls out the deeply rooted, most precious parts of who I am. In His hand lies every hope, every dream, and every promise ever made. I suddenly feel very bare.  a resistance begins to rise within me, why would He take those things? Those are MY hopes, MY dreams! He gave those promises, He's not allowed to take them back. They belong to me, He can't have them. Looking at His hands I realize that I don't know who I am without these things. I find my identity in those dreams. I don't even know who I am without them.

My eyes meet His as I try to remain composed. Compassion, tenderness, and love is all that can been seen in His gaze. Very slowly I hear,

"Do you trust me?"

Instantly a seed of hurt springs up. Of course I trust Him. I've given Him everything else. Why can't I just keep this part of me? I don't want to surrender these things. My spirit begins to remind me of the times where He took my ashes and made something of beauty. What would He make out of something already lovely? Something within me begins to wonder if He wants more for me than I dare imagine. 

Again I hear Him ask ,

"Do you trust me?"

Yes. I do. I trust Him. Completely. I trust Him with the deepest parts of me. 

With a smile He turns to leave. I begin to wonder where He's going, when He turns around and gestures for me to follow. I'm not sure where He's going or what He's up to this time. all that I know for sure is that it's going be quite an adventure. 

A Journey of a Lifetime...

It's August... that means it's time to celebrate. One year ago, God rescued me out of a bad relationship and took me on the most incredible journey. I feel like passing this year mark is going to be one of those "landmark" moments on my life. Last night a dear friend and I began to talk about all that has gone on this past year, so much has happened that I felt the need to commemorate it by sharing my story.

Last August when God told me to walk away from the relationship I was in, I had no idea what things were going to look like. The journey that awaited me was so far away from what I had ever imagined. As I drove away from a boy who I thought I loved I couldn't help but laugh, For the first time in months I knew that I had heard the Lord and I had listened. The simpleness of that act might not seem like a big deal but after ignoring the voice of God for over 7 months finally responding with obedience was the best thing I could of ever done. When I got back to my mom's house and told her what had just happened she couldn't understand why I was so happy. I couldn't explain the reasons why I felt the way I did, all I knew is that I had made the right choice.

Two weeks later, I met with Janelle Coleman. I needed someone who would be accountability for me and someone who would walk with me as I healed. When I walked into the Coleman house that morning I had no idea that a door was about to be opened. Janelle began to tell me that her family was about to move and needed a housemate. Not 12 hours later it was decided, I was moving in. The first morning in my new house I woke up to the sound of 4 year old Josiah laughing, it was in that moment that I knew I had made the right decision.

Once I moved that's really when this big adventure began.

It was November, and for the past few months I had learned to listen to the voice of the Lord again. He began speaking more clearly and much more frequently. I knew that to get healing, my life had to change. My habits had to change, and my lifestyle had to change. I began reading "Set-Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy, This book wrecked my world. The way she spoke of her standards and the way she lived her life made me long for more than what I had. I knew the Lord was asking me to live a set-apart life. That meant many changes. I took the TV out of my room, and began to change the types of movies, TV shows, and music that I listened to. I began to seek out the Lord with everything within me. He was doing a change in my heart. He was taking me to a place that required everything of me.

Over the next few months the Lord began bringing people into my life who would pour into me and stretch me in ways that I have never experienced before. God began speaking destiny into my life. He gave me a new identity  He gave me vision. He gave me hope.

The Lord has met me in ways that I can hardly explain. He has transformed me, molded me and shaped me into a new creation. The woman I have become is very different from the girl I was a year ago. This year I have taken my faith and made it my own. My standards have gone from normal standards of someone my age, and become much higher. All this can be summed up by saying I'm thankful. I am so incredibly thankful for the love of the Father. I am so grateful for the grace and mercy that has been bestowed upon me. It is beyond my comprehension that God would choose me. I am blessed.

This year has been the most incredible ride and it's not over yet. It's just getting started. I better buckle up. 

Changing winds.

Change is coming. 
I can feel it in my bones. 
Seasons are shifting. 
I am ready. 

For months now the Lord has been doing a deep inward work in my heart, the 
results of which are starting to be seen. 
Yet I still feel His invitation to come closer. To go deeper. I have no idea 
what this is going to look like, but I must admit that's one of my favorite 
parts. As someone who wants to know all the details, the unknown is always makes 
me a bit apprehensive. The only exception is when He knows all the details, then 
I am free to let go and simply be. 

To rest in His presence. 
To soak in His words. 
To be content in His timing. 
Where He is involved, I can let go and let Him have control. 

I feel as if I've stood in this spot so many times in the past year, and yet 
again I choose to say "Come Lord. I'm ready." Bring on the changing winds!

The Wedding of Lifetime.

This weekend, I was blessed to be a part of the most beautiful wedding I have ever attended. James and Breanne Walter have been two of my best friends for some time. I have watched their relationship grow, blossom, and flourish for the past 5 1/2 years, they have set a standard for all who know them. If you sit with them for 5 minutes you will see a few things, how much they love each other, the honor they have for one another, and the high respect for the other. I am amazed by them and their relationship.

I knew that the ceremony was going to be special, but I also knew that I would cry like a baby. 
As I walked down the isle I looked at James, and the look on his face was that of a little boy on Christmas morning, who knows that he is about to get the best present of all time. He had this giddy smile on his face, and it seemed to me that he could hardly contain his joy. The music changed and we all saw the Breanne appear at the top of the staircase. I turned and looked at James, he was crying and of course, this turned me into a ball of tears. As the father of the bride walked his daughter down the isle she was glowing. She had eyes only for her beloved. He was her focus. In that moment he was the only thing that mattered.
The ceremony was beautiful, and the rest of the day went off without a hitch, and I have never seen the two of them happier or more in love.
This morning during worship at church I got a picture of another wedding, one that has been planned for eternity and is still to come. The bible says that we as Christians are the bride of Christ. Jesus is the groom and we are His bride. His desire is for us, and He has done everything to win our hearts. He pursues us, romances us, and draws us closer to Himself. 
I saw a woman in a wedding dress, and Jesus was at the alter. When she made her entrance, He began to cry out of pure joy, realizing that the reward of the sacrifice He made was finally before Him. Likewise, she was beside herself... she only had eyes for her beloved. He was her safe place, she couldn't wait to be beside Him.

As the groom said His vows, the smile on His face grew. The bride glanced down at her dress and realized that some of it was blood stained, as she saw this they both began to laugh. The beauty of the blood is that it made her dress even more white. 

It made her radiant. 

The blood made her pure.

As she said her vows, the bride couldn't help the tears that began to stream down her face. She knew for the first time that she was free. 

She realized her destiny. 

She saw her beauty. 

She gained a new identity.

This is what happens when we say yes to Jesus. This is what happens when we give our lives completely. We are purified, given unspeakable joy, we realize our identity, and we become free. Jesus is waiting at the alter, the question is will we leave Him waiting, or will we give ourselves over to something so much better than we could imagine? 

Justice vs. Mercy

I have a feeling I may get some not so great feedback for this post, but I feel that this needs to be said.

As we all know Osama Bin Laden was killed this week. I understand how people are happy that this man has been brought to justice, and many of the families are now feeling that their loved ones are finally avenged. I for one am glad that when I listen to talk radio and hear that mans name I will no longer feel a twinge of fear somewhere deep down inside.

Last night as I was listening to President Obama speak about the mission and how our amazing troops executed their assignment with expert precision and tact; I began to feel thankful, happy even that this evil man is dead. I mean why would I not feel this way? This horrible man who is responsible for thousands of deaths has finally got what he had coming to him. As I watched the news this feeling of happiness increased and was solidified. Then, as I was looking at my Facebook friends updates, a heaviness began to come over my heart. The things that many people began to say really troubled me. One post in particular- made by someone the I highly admire, someone I look up to, and someone who's opinion really matters to me- said  something like,"Hell's real and bin laden will burn for eternity."

That stopped me in my tracks. Really? I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Could we as Christians really be so cold about someone, anyone going to hell?  (This unfortunately was not the only post of it's type.) It was about that time that the Lord began to convict my heart about my attitude towards this man being killed. 

While I know God is a God of justice, He is also a God of mercy. In the word it talks of God not wanting anyone to go to hell. I believe that God's heart is burdened over the life and death of Osama Bin Laden. I wonder if more Christians had been praying for Osama Bin Laden if his outcome would of been different. I don't doubt that he would of been killed, but maybe he wouldn't have to suffer eternal damnation. Some would say he got what he deserved, but does God not see all sin the same? Sin is sin, and (from my 

understanding) there is no differentiation in the eyes of God.

Years ago, I heard a sermon from my childhood pastor, Dane Aaker. I don't remember a thing from the sermon except for one phrase, 

"We should never get used to the sound of footsteps on the way to hell." 

 These words have stayed in my heart for many years, but I don't think I fully understood them until last night. How could I of been happy that this man was in hell? I now have a new drive to pray for people that many feel deserve to go to hell for the things they have done.

Jesus came to save the sinners.

Jesus came as a doctor to heal those who needed a touch from God.

Jesus hung out with the sinners. 

I desire to be Christ-like in every area, not just the areas I feel comfortable doing so. I guess that means being counter cultural.

I implore you to look inside your own heart and see what God is saying to you about this topic. I wouldn't be surprised if He's saying the same thing.  

Grace grater than my weeknesses

Sin and despair like the sea waves cold

Threaten the soul with infinite loss; 

Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold

Points to the refuge, the Mighty Cross.

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.

What can avail to wash it away?

Look! there is flowing a crimson tide.

Whiter that snow you may be today.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,

freely bestowed on all who believe;

You that are longing to see His face-

Will you this moment His grace receive? 

Grace, grace, God's grace,

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

Grace, grace, infinite grace,

Grace that is greater than all our sin.

-"Marvelous Grace of our loving Lord"

The grace of God never fails to blow me away.  We are so undeserving of what He bestows on us. He sees us in our messes, and yet He loves us. He sees us in all of our stuff and He still wants our hearts. He knows that our when we finally surrender to Him we come messy, and insecure... Even in the midst of that He still calls us. 

My God blows me away. 

I don't understand why He loves me, but I am sure glad that He does. I don't understand what He sees in me that He would want my heart, but I give it  freely. I will never be able to comprehend why He's called me... but I would follow Him anywhere. 

I say all of this to say how thankful I am for the Grace of God. 

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness!

This One's for Dad...

I usually share in my blogs about things that the Lord is revealing to me, but tonight I want to do something a little different with this post. April 26 would of been my dads 52 birthday, so in honor of that I want to use this blog to remember him. 

Growing up, I was a daddy's girl. I was always under feet, always pestering, always vying for his attention. We always had so much fun together doing even the most mundane things. He would take me to work with him on many a Saturday. My dad worked for Portasan which is a company that rent out porta-potties. My dad drove the tanker... enough said. Even though the surroundings were smelly and gross, getting to ride in the big truck, having him sing songs with me, and tell me stories more than made up for it. I can readily admit that most of the biblical knowledge I have today did not come from bible college, or the Honor Academy, or my own study, but from those work days.

I was his little helper. I loved working along side him in the garage. Thanks to dear old dad, I know how to use all kinds of tools, so well that I can build things fairly well on my own. I can also thank my pops for my good sense of direction. I can get to where I need to go or find my way pretty well on my own. 

Dad was silly. He always had corny jokes, a big smile and a great laugh. He would on occasion do Bill Cosby's "Jello" voice and I adored him for it. I thought he was the funniest man alive. I do believe my knack for all things ridiculous came from him.

Dad had a love for Dr. Pepper, and he had his cup to prove it. I'm not talking your run of the mill 12oz cup... this thing was a massive, monster of a cup it probably held something like 120oz.  This cup went everywhere with him, work, church, family dinners, you name it. If dad was there so was his cup. He even named it, his first cup was Pete. Pete was with us for a while, but with as much as dad used it, Pete eventually went to big-cup-heaven. So of course dad had to get a new cup... his new cups name? Repeat. (get it?) After a while Repeat went to be with Pete and Jesus, so naturally dad got a new cup... He called it Three-Pete. Maybe I get my urge to name every inanimate object from my dad. 

When Beauty and the Beast came out on VHS, I was ecstatic... I must of seen that movie 8 or 10 times in the theaters previously, but even that didn't squelch my joy. I will never forget the day that daddy and I got it from the store. He was off, and it was just the two of us for the day. I remember dancing in front of the Mickey Mouse Club on t.v. while dad was in the kitchen cooking my favorite food as a  3-year-old, hot dogs of course. As we ate I snuggled up next to my daddy and just enjoyed the movie I love most.

As a teenager, my interest's changed and so did my conversations with dad. He would ask me questions on the things I was going through and challenge my thinking on many of my conclusions. During these deep conversations, He at some point would stop and say "Becca, I don't have much time left to teach you all the things I want to." At the time I took that to mean that I was growing up, so he wanted to impart as much wisdom as he could before I was too old to listen. But since he's been gone there are sometimes I wonder if he didn't have some idea that his life would not be a long one. I wonder if when he looked at me when I was 15 and thought, I only have a few years left to tell her everything I have to share. I will never know if he had that type of an inking or not, but what I do know is that the things he taught me in those moments will be with me forever. 

Whenever he would drop me off somewhere it was always the same. A hug, a kiss, a three words..."Make me proud." That phrase is often in my mind as I walk through my day to day life or as I make major decisions, I think... "am I making Him proud?" Some times I know with certainty that he would applaud my choices, and other times I'm not sure what his stance would be. Those are the moments when I wish he was still here most. 

I'll end this post with my last, and most cherished memory of my daddy. The day he went into the hospital I went into his room when I knew no one would be there. The moment I walked in he started telling me to leave because he didn't want me to see him like that. I turned to leave. As I was almost out the door I hear him say, "Becca, pray for me." I told him that I would and I continued to leave. He stopped me again and said "Becca, pray for me," Again, I told him that I was. Then he said "Becca, come over here and pray for me." I walked back over to his bedside , held his hand, and asked Jesus to heal him. I asked God to comfort him. I prayed for strength, for hope, and for faith. Then  through tears, I kissed his cheek. I told him I loved him. Then I left. That was the last time I ever spoke to my daddy. I feel like that was a very fitting way for us to say goodbye. I think we both knew the end, but neither of us wanted to say anything. 

I am so thankful to God for the earthly father that I was given. I have definitely been blessed. Although my dad was not here for long, he had more impact on my life than anyone I can think of.

So, heres to dad...

Happy Birthday Daddy. Have fun celebrating with Jesus! I can't wait to see you again and celebrate together! That will be a joyous day.

Giving Birth to the Dream

Everyone has a dream. When I was little I had many dreams, what I wanted to be when I grew up changed with each week. One day I would aspire to be an actress, the next I would want to be a Disney animator, the next a star on Broadway. Most of the things I wanted to do had to be with being famous. 

I wanted to be known. 

I wanted to be recognized. 

I wanted people to know my name. 

My dreams have changed now that I'm a little older. I now aspire to much different things. I want to be a wife, a mother, and I want to be used by God. 

The third is what has inspired this post.

The third is what drives my day to day life.

The third is what I want more than anything. 

God has placed dreams in my heart. I believe that they are His dreams, not my own. The things that He has shown me to strive for are not things I could ever have dreamed that I am capable of achieving. The simple fact of the matter is, I am not capable of achieving any of the things that God's called me to. That's where He comes in. The only thing I can do is strive and push for them, not with my own strength but with His. 

My incredible older sister had her first baby this week. Madelyn Alice was born on April 19. Maddie is a beautiful baby girl. In the few days since her birth she has already stolen the hearts of everyone in our family. My sister was in labor for over 28 hours. Her contractions were far apart for most of the day, so when she finally went to the hospital  about 22 hours into labor expecting to be sent home, she was shocked when they told her she was much farther along than anyone of us had anticipated. 5 hours later Madelyn Alice was here.

In my humble opinion the gifts that God gives to us are things that are supposed to grow. The gestation period of a dream is not the same as that of a baby, although at times I wish that were the case. I am confident that the dreams God has placed in my heart are ones that will take years to see the fulfillment of the promise. I am prepared for that. I know things that God has in store are not things that will happen over night. 

I have to mature, both in the natural and in the spiritual. 

I have to keep my eyes focused on the goal. 

I must learn to hear what the voice of the Lord sounds like. 

I have to ponder the promises of God in my heart.

Most of all, I must strive through the pain. I must look past my current circumstances and keep my eyes fixed what the 'I AM' says. 

Giving birth in the natural is something you must push through. It is not something that the woman in labor can control. The baby will come when it is good and ready. The woman cannot command the baby to come forth before it's ready. It would be ridiculous for a woman who is 5-months pregnant to try and force the baby to come. The baby is not fully formed at that time.  The simple fact is, at that point it would cause the baby more harm that good for it to come at that time. 

It's the same with our God-given dreams. Why in the world do we try and 'give birth' to a dream that has not been fully formed. It would do those around the dreamer, and the dreamer themselves, more harm than good.  There are times when an underdeveloped dream is worse than no dream at all. I believe that when a God-given dream is born too soon, it robs the kingdom of God. 

This week as I was watching 'Parenthood'something that the grandfather said struck my heart. I feel it fits perfectly with what the Lord is trying to say through this blog. The grandfather looked at his teenage granddaughter, who has been getting herself in to a whole mess of trouble, and he said to her:

"I dreamed you... And you are not allowed to mess with my dream."

Although this was said as a rebuke from the grandfather, God is more imploring us to not mess with what He has planned. He sees the beginning and the end. He knows what will happen if we do things the way He has ordained them or if we do things our own way. The Father begs us to wait and let the dream grow. Do not awake the dream before it is fully formed.

We, as the dreamers, must be willing to wait on God to form the dream completely. We may think we see the whole picture, but the Lord is saying "Oh, no... what I have is so much bigger!"

I implore you, let God develop His dreams within you. 

His plans are so much better that our own. 

His ways are higher. 

Let Him lead the dream. 

Come, Take a Walk with Me...

When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.

Genesis 3:8

Have you ever thought about this verse? Adam and Eve heard the sound of God... They knew the sound of His footsteps from afar. The footsteps of God sounded different than any other footsteps. God's footsteps. Have you ever thought about what the steps of God sound like? Are the ordinary like yours or mine, or do they sound like claps of thunder? Do His steps roar like a lion or are the quite like the whisper of the wind through the trees?

When I think of the intimacy Adam and Eve had with God it baffles me. They literally walked with Him, and they talked with Him. They heard God's voice, it was familiar. God took them for walks and told them all the secrets of the universe. He told them, "Come, walk with me. There's something I want to show you." When He called the always followed.

Think about that for a minute. Let it marinate. 

I think of these things and something within me stirs up... I get a hunger for that knowledge of God. I want to know Him like Adam and Eve did. This has been a hunger of mine for as long as I can remember. AS a young girl (6 or 7) I used to pray, "God, I want to talk with you like Adam and Eve did... Jesus, I want to know you like the disciples did..." This desire is not uncommon. It's the way that God designed it to be. The intimacy that man experienced with God in the garden of eden is flawless and perfect. 

Have you ever asked God to take a walk with you? I have. Let me tell you, those walks I take with the Lord are some of my most cherished times. I'll lay down at night and ask the Lord where He wants to go or if He wants to show me or teach me something. It never fails, He'll turn to me and say "Common, what are you waiting for?" The things I've learned on those walks are things that I ponder in my heart and hold dear. I can gain more wisdom in a 5 minute walk with my Jesus than a whole day of studying.

I believe God is starting to move in the body of Christ in ways that He has not since Eden. We as the Bride of Christ are beginning to experience levels of freedom, prophetic words, wisdom, and revelation that we cannot fathom. I've heard it said that God is doing something new. I don't know if i agree with that, and I want to challenge that perspective. God is not doing something new, in fact, God is doing something old... something so old it hasn't been tapped into since creation. I don't have the slightest clue what He has planned on this crazy journey, but I can assure you of this, when He asks if I want to go walking my immediate, unhesitating, answer will be YES! 

Consuming Love

I have been wanting to blog for the longest time, and haven't been able to get my thoughts straight. So I figured maybe if I just wrote something would come out. So here we go. 


Lately, the song "You Can Have Me" by Sidewalk Prophets has stopped me in my tracks every time it comes on. The lines of the song are powerful, and though provoking. Here are the lyrics: 

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams

Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me

This song never fails to make me ponder my life. I am in love with Jesus, first and foremost and I am closer now to the Lord than I ever have been before. That being said, there have been moments in the past few weeks where I have had to seriously ask myself, When did love become unconsuming? When did my to-do list, my hectic schedule, my new job, my bank account, or many other things become more consuming to me than God?

How does that happen? It's so easy to let the mundane things in our day to day life consume our thoughts. Even today at work I had so many things on my mind that I had to begin making a list just so I could focus on my work and not on the tasks that needed to be done when I got off. I hate to admit this, but not one thing that was consuming my thoughts today was the Lord. I believe that our thoughts and what we trust are in direct correlation to one another. It doesn't matter if it's in the area of finances, relationships, friendships, family, jobs, school, even ministry, I think that somewhere deep inside of each of us is a place that doesn't fully trust the Lord. 

Personally, I struggle in the area of relationships. I'm in a time in life where weddings are surrounding me, three of my best friends are getting married this summer. As you all can imagine weddings are one the best places to realize that your single.  Don't get me wrong the last thing I'm doing is complaining, I am happy being single, and am content in waiting on God's timing. Although I'm content it doesn't stop my questioning. I cling to the promises that I know the Lord has made me, still deep down there is that part of my heart that says "Did He really promise that?" "God, are you really  listening?" "God, do you really know what you're doing?"  Every time I come to the Lord and ask about this are He looks at me and says "Rebecca, do you trust me?" I'm ashamed to say there are times where my first answer is "Well.... Um... no."  That's when I have to remind me myself of who God is. 

The song says "If You’re all You claim to be, then I’m not losing anything". I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the God that I serve is the "I am" from the old testament. The very same God who parted the red sea and delivered His people out of Egypt is the same God that I dance before during worship. The same God who made Adam and Eve is the same God who cares for my needs. When I think of it that way, how can I not trust Him? How can I hesitate leaving my life in His hands? He knows with He is doing. His plans are far better than my own.

I am not losing anything by trusting the Lord. When I fully begin to trust, than I will be consumed by God. 

Trusting fully is the key. 

Wisdom Speaks...

"The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom; 

all who follow his precepts have good understanding. 

To him belongs eternal praise."

-Psalm 111:10

I love wisdom. Can I just say that right off the bat? I love wisdom. Seeking out those who have lived life ahead of me, and have insight to the things I am going through. 

I have always had women in my life who speak life and help show me the way through whatever season I'm in. When I was in High School, it was a friend's mom, Mrs. Sample. She is an amazing wife, mother, teacher, mentor, and just all around lovely lady. She inspired me to strive for things I want to do.

When I went to the Honor Academy, there were a number of women who have the most beautiful spirits, and they walked me through that year. Three in particular stick out in my mind, Ms. Kristin DeValario, Ms. Cynthia Garcia, and Ms. Amy Allenbrand (Soon to be Smith!!! :]) 

Kristin taught me what it looks like to be a leader. She walked me through submitting to leadership, and what being in leadership means. I will never forget our times with me sitting in the beloved blue chair and crying while she poured such relevant and Godly wisdom into my life.

My relationship with Cynthia was not at all what I had expected it to be. You see, I wanted to be in any core other than hers. I look back and thank God that He knows what is best for me, and that He doesn't always do what I want done. What God knew was that Cynthia was the exact person that I needed to be my Core Advisor that year. Cynthia helped challenge my convictions, my lifestyle, and the choices I made in my day to day life. I would not be the person I am today without her. 

Amy, is one of the few people in my life who has complete and total permission to dig into every area of my life. This is not something that has been given lightly, but has been earned over time. She has seen me at the lowest points in my life, and in my walk with God. She knows the good, the bad, the ugly, and the lovely about who I am. Holy Spirit talks about my life to Amy on a regular basis. This is both good, and very bad... only because she always knows when I am not being 100% honest. I love that though. I love that I don't have to hide, or be ashamed of hiding anything from her. She constantly spurs me on to loving Jesus more. I am daily grateful for the wisdom she brings into my life. 

Now outside of the Honor Academy, I am in a very new season of life. My current season is requiring more of me spiritually, emotionally, and more of my time than ever before. As always, the Lord has now brought a brand new set of women into my life who speak wisdom. Who encourage me, who love on me, who pray for me, and who listen. There are four in this season who are pivotal, I believe, to who I am going to become in the next year or so. 

First is my incredible mother, Peggy. She daily inspires me to strive for what God has called me to. She sees, and ever more important,  she believes in who and what God has called me to. She extorts, encourages, and loves me through every step. It doesn't matter if I am making a huge mistake, or I'm doing something perfectly, she's there either way.

Janelle, is my house mate, and she is constantly there for me to be a listening ear, a shoulder, and an open heart. She shares her life with me and allows me to share mine with her. Not a day goes by that I don't glean a huge piece of wisdom from this incredible woman. She may not know it, but I think I've learned more by living with her these past 5 months than I have in the past 3 years combined. 

Then there are two women from my church who have come along side of me and said 'I'll walk this journey with you'. Michelle and Diana, are quickly becoming a 'safe zone' in my life. A place where I can go where I know I'll be heard, and even if I'm not making any sense they listen. They seek the Lord on my behalf, and they help me navigate life.  

Wisdom is something that I cannot live without now. I have to glean wisdom from others now to survive.

Do you seek wisdom? Are you seeking out others who can speak into you life? If not, you should. It is truly life changing.

Walking Like a Child

Over the course of the past few weeks I have become increasingly aware of how true the passage in Mark 10:13-31 is. 


The Message reads like this: 

"The people brought children to Jesus, hoping he might touch them. The disciples shooed them off. But Jesus was irate and let them know it: "Don't push these children away. Don't ever get between them and me. These children are at the very center of life in the kingdom. Mark this: Unless you accept God's kingdom in the simplicity of a child, you'll never get in." Then, gathering the children up in his arms, he laid his hands of blessing on them."

Children are very important to Jesus, in fact they are so important that He rebuked anyone that tried to keep them away. To have faith like a child is the only way to truly grasp kingdom principles. 

About a month ago I read 'Heaven is for Real'. The book rocked my view of life. This quick read, takes a look at the 3 year journey the Burbo family takes through life changing illness. Over the time of this illness, the Burbo's 3 year old son, Colton has a vision of heaven. There He meets Jesus, his great-grandpa, and his older sister who died due to a miscarriage. This 3 year old boggles the minds of his parents as he tells them about biblical things that he had never been taught. After reading this book I have been convinced, just like his parents, that Colton Burpo has seen the living God, that he spoke with Jesus, and that little Colton has a much better view of spiritual things than I.

Upon reading this book Janelle, my house mate, was stirred to ask her 4 year old Josiah if he had ever seen Jesus. He responded with "yes". This blows my mind. This precious four year old whom I know and love has seen and talked to Jesus. Just like in the case of Colton Burpo, Mr. Josiah knew things about Jesus that he has never been told before. 

Now how is it that these little kids have seen Jesus, and have a better view of who He is than I? What makes them different from me? Why do they get to see and talk to my Jesus?  I believe that it is the fact that they don't question things. They know what they saw, and they don't try to justify it as dreaming or imaging, the simply saw and they spoke out. 

This morning at church I got a picture in my mind of a person standing in the fog they couldn't see but a few feet in front of them, their hands and feet were bound in chains and they were struggling to break free. Jesus then touched their eyes, and instantly they shrunk down to little children, the fog dissipated, and the chains were now way too big. The person could step out into freedom.

This I believe is a picture of the Church. We as believers in Christ need to become like children. When we become like children, we see Christ in a new light. We see Him in a way that casts off all religiosity... We see what He truly has for us and what He wants for us. 


Strive to become like a little child, because when you do, true freedom is found. 

Living a Lifestyle of Awe

This morning during intercessory prayer the subject of the awe of God was laid on my heart. It is a subject that is not commonly spoken of, but I for one think it's of most importance. So I pose this question: What does it look like to be in awe of God?

What is awe of God? To be in awe is like a little boy on Christmas morning, taking in with wide-eyed wonders all that his parents have graciously bought for him. Is this what awe of God looks like?

What is awe of God? Is it like a young woman sitting on the banks of a river in the woods and marveling at the peace and beauty of the place? Is this awe?

What is awe of God? Is it like the man on a battlefield, who when seeing the opposing army is taken back by the size, power, and determinedness of them. He is shaken to his core with fear, yet in awe of them.  Is this what awe of God looks like?

I say it's a bit of all three of these. There are certain qualities in God's character that should evoke these different emotions and they each demand a different response.

God is a good, good papa. He desires to give us above and beyond what we ask, or even want for. He desires to lavish His love on us. To be in awe of God here is to get a glimpse of His love or what He wants to give us and be so amazed that we cannot move from the spot where we first caught that glimpse. To see what He has for you and squeal like a child, and become so excited that you'll begin to laugh and do a little excited dance. This is being in awe of God.

God is the God of peace, and the God of mercy. He desires to take our pain, frustration, and heartache, and change these things into lightheartedness, joy, and peace. God is pursuing and romancing His bride, He is currently preparing her for something big and beautiful. To be in love with the Lord is a beautiful, restful, lovely thing! To be in awe in this area, I feel is to get up and dance with God. To be so in love with Him that the same moment He speaks, we respond instantly with "YES!" and "AMEN!". This is what awe of the Lord looks like.

Just as God is the God of peace, and mercy, He is also the God of justice. He is a jealous God. He is jealous for our hearts, and our love! God is not willing to share our affection with anyone or anything else. He will fight to prove that He is enough in every aspect of our lives. He will take down any job, hobby, television program, relationship, or person that stands between you and Him. He is the mighty warrior God. To be in awe of Him is to see Him as a warrior with fire in His eyes; and while there is a sense of fear, it is surpassed by a sense of  "Wow! He really wants me. The God of the universe longs to know me... intimately, and personally. Holy Moley!" To be in awe is to lay things that are not pleasing to God down before He asks, or before He has to kill it Himself. To be in awe of God is to kill the sinful things in our lives before He has to.

Now I will pose a second question: Are you in awe of God?
It would be so easy to quickly answer "yes" to that, but take a moment. Think. Am I in awe of God? To I recognize His hand in my life? Do my actions and attitudes show others that I am in awe of who God is? I know that, I for one am not the best at displaying this. I am striving to live my life in such a way that others would see God through me. I challenge you to search your heart and see if you are truly in awe of who God is.