Grace grater than my weeknesses

Sin and despair like the sea waves cold

Threaten the soul with infinite loss; 

Grace that is greater, yes, grace untold

Points to the refuge, the Mighty Cross.

Dark is the stain that we cannot hide.

What can avail to wash it away?

Look! there is flowing a crimson tide.

Whiter that snow you may be today.

Marvelous, infinite, matchless grace,

freely bestowed on all who believe;

You that are longing to see His face-

Will you this moment His grace receive? 

Grace, grace, God's grace,

Grace that will pardon and cleanse within;

Grace, grace, infinite grace,

Grace that is greater than all our sin.

-"Marvelous Grace of our loving Lord"

The grace of God never fails to blow me away.  We are so undeserving of what He bestows on us. He sees us in our messes, and yet He loves us. He sees us in all of our stuff and He still wants our hearts. He knows that our when we finally surrender to Him we come messy, and insecure... Even in the midst of that He still calls us. 

My God blows me away. 

I don't understand why He loves me, but I am sure glad that He does. I don't understand what He sees in me that He would want my heart, but I give it  freely. I will never be able to comprehend why He's called me... but I would follow Him anywhere. 

I say all of this to say how thankful I am for the Grace of God. 

Thank you Lord for your faithfulness!

This One's for Dad...

I usually share in my blogs about things that the Lord is revealing to me, but tonight I want to do something a little different with this post. April 26 would of been my dads 52 birthday, so in honor of that I want to use this blog to remember him. 

Growing up, I was a daddy's girl. I was always under feet, always pestering, always vying for his attention. We always had so much fun together doing even the most mundane things. He would take me to work with him on many a Saturday. My dad worked for Portasan which is a company that rent out porta-potties. My dad drove the tanker... enough said. Even though the surroundings were smelly and gross, getting to ride in the big truck, having him sing songs with me, and tell me stories more than made up for it. I can readily admit that most of the biblical knowledge I have today did not come from bible college, or the Honor Academy, or my own study, but from those work days.

I was his little helper. I loved working along side him in the garage. Thanks to dear old dad, I know how to use all kinds of tools, so well that I can build things fairly well on my own. I can also thank my pops for my good sense of direction. I can get to where I need to go or find my way pretty well on my own. 

Dad was silly. He always had corny jokes, a big smile and a great laugh. He would on occasion do Bill Cosby's "Jello" voice and I adored him for it. I thought he was the funniest man alive. I do believe my knack for all things ridiculous came from him.

Dad had a love for Dr. Pepper, and he had his cup to prove it. I'm not talking your run of the mill 12oz cup... this thing was a massive, monster of a cup it probably held something like 120oz.  This cup went everywhere with him, work, church, family dinners, you name it. If dad was there so was his cup. He even named it, his first cup was Pete. Pete was with us for a while, but with as much as dad used it, Pete eventually went to big-cup-heaven. So of course dad had to get a new cup... his new cups name? Repeat. (get it?) After a while Repeat went to be with Pete and Jesus, so naturally dad got a new cup... He called it Three-Pete. Maybe I get my urge to name every inanimate object from my dad. 

When Beauty and the Beast came out on VHS, I was ecstatic... I must of seen that movie 8 or 10 times in the theaters previously, but even that didn't squelch my joy. I will never forget the day that daddy and I got it from the store. He was off, and it was just the two of us for the day. I remember dancing in front of the Mickey Mouse Club on t.v. while dad was in the kitchen cooking my favorite food as a  3-year-old, hot dogs of course. As we ate I snuggled up next to my daddy and just enjoyed the movie I love most.

As a teenager, my interest's changed and so did my conversations with dad. He would ask me questions on the things I was going through and challenge my thinking on many of my conclusions. During these deep conversations, He at some point would stop and say "Becca, I don't have much time left to teach you all the things I want to." At the time I took that to mean that I was growing up, so he wanted to impart as much wisdom as he could before I was too old to listen. But since he's been gone there are sometimes I wonder if he didn't have some idea that his life would not be a long one. I wonder if when he looked at me when I was 15 and thought, I only have a few years left to tell her everything I have to share. I will never know if he had that type of an inking or not, but what I do know is that the things he taught me in those moments will be with me forever. 

Whenever he would drop me off somewhere it was always the same. A hug, a kiss, a three words..."Make me proud." That phrase is often in my mind as I walk through my day to day life or as I make major decisions, I think... "am I making Him proud?" Some times I know with certainty that he would applaud my choices, and other times I'm not sure what his stance would be. Those are the moments when I wish he was still here most. 

I'll end this post with my last, and most cherished memory of my daddy. The day he went into the hospital I went into his room when I knew no one would be there. The moment I walked in he started telling me to leave because he didn't want me to see him like that. I turned to leave. As I was almost out the door I hear him say, "Becca, pray for me." I told him that I would and I continued to leave. He stopped me again and said "Becca, pray for me," Again, I told him that I was. Then he said "Becca, come over here and pray for me." I walked back over to his bedside , held his hand, and asked Jesus to heal him. I asked God to comfort him. I prayed for strength, for hope, and for faith. Then  through tears, I kissed his cheek. I told him I loved him. Then I left. That was the last time I ever spoke to my daddy. I feel like that was a very fitting way for us to say goodbye. I think we both knew the end, but neither of us wanted to say anything. 

I am so thankful to God for the earthly father that I was given. I have definitely been blessed. Although my dad was not here for long, he had more impact on my life than anyone I can think of.

So, heres to dad...

Happy Birthday Daddy. Have fun celebrating with Jesus! I can't wait to see you again and celebrate together! That will be a joyous day.

Giving Birth to the Dream

Everyone has a dream. When I was little I had many dreams, what I wanted to be when I grew up changed with each week. One day I would aspire to be an actress, the next I would want to be a Disney animator, the next a star on Broadway. Most of the things I wanted to do had to be with being famous. 

I wanted to be known. 

I wanted to be recognized. 

I wanted people to know my name. 

My dreams have changed now that I'm a little older. I now aspire to much different things. I want to be a wife, a mother, and I want to be used by God. 

The third is what has inspired this post.

The third is what drives my day to day life.

The third is what I want more than anything. 

God has placed dreams in my heart. I believe that they are His dreams, not my own. The things that He has shown me to strive for are not things I could ever have dreamed that I am capable of achieving. The simple fact of the matter is, I am not capable of achieving any of the things that God's called me to. That's where He comes in. The only thing I can do is strive and push for them, not with my own strength but with His. 

My incredible older sister had her first baby this week. Madelyn Alice was born on April 19. Maddie is a beautiful baby girl. In the few days since her birth she has already stolen the hearts of everyone in our family. My sister was in labor for over 28 hours. Her contractions were far apart for most of the day, so when she finally went to the hospital  about 22 hours into labor expecting to be sent home, she was shocked when they told her she was much farther along than anyone of us had anticipated. 5 hours later Madelyn Alice was here.

In my humble opinion the gifts that God gives to us are things that are supposed to grow. The gestation period of a dream is not the same as that of a baby, although at times I wish that were the case. I am confident that the dreams God has placed in my heart are ones that will take years to see the fulfillment of the promise. I am prepared for that. I know things that God has in store are not things that will happen over night. 

I have to mature, both in the natural and in the spiritual. 

I have to keep my eyes focused on the goal. 

I must learn to hear what the voice of the Lord sounds like. 

I have to ponder the promises of God in my heart.

Most of all, I must strive through the pain. I must look past my current circumstances and keep my eyes fixed what the 'I AM' says. 

Giving birth in the natural is something you must push through. It is not something that the woman in labor can control. The baby will come when it is good and ready. The woman cannot command the baby to come forth before it's ready. It would be ridiculous for a woman who is 5-months pregnant to try and force the baby to come. The baby is not fully formed at that time.  The simple fact is, at that point it would cause the baby more harm that good for it to come at that time. 

It's the same with our God-given dreams. Why in the world do we try and 'give birth' to a dream that has not been fully formed. It would do those around the dreamer, and the dreamer themselves, more harm than good.  There are times when an underdeveloped dream is worse than no dream at all. I believe that when a God-given dream is born too soon, it robs the kingdom of God. 

This week as I was watching 'Parenthood'something that the grandfather said struck my heart. I feel it fits perfectly with what the Lord is trying to say through this blog. The grandfather looked at his teenage granddaughter, who has been getting herself in to a whole mess of trouble, and he said to her:

"I dreamed you... And you are not allowed to mess with my dream."

Although this was said as a rebuke from the grandfather, God is more imploring us to not mess with what He has planned. He sees the beginning and the end. He knows what will happen if we do things the way He has ordained them or if we do things our own way. The Father begs us to wait and let the dream grow. Do not awake the dream before it is fully formed.

We, as the dreamers, must be willing to wait on God to form the dream completely. We may think we see the whole picture, but the Lord is saying "Oh, no... what I have is so much bigger!"

I implore you, let God develop His dreams within you. 

His plans are so much better that our own. 

His ways are higher. 

Let Him lead the dream. 

Come, Take a Walk with Me...

When they heard the sound of God strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from God.

Genesis 3:8

Have you ever thought about this verse? Adam and Eve heard the sound of God... They knew the sound of His footsteps from afar. The footsteps of God sounded different than any other footsteps. God's footsteps. Have you ever thought about what the steps of God sound like? Are the ordinary like yours or mine, or do they sound like claps of thunder? Do His steps roar like a lion or are the quite like the whisper of the wind through the trees?

When I think of the intimacy Adam and Eve had with God it baffles me. They literally walked with Him, and they talked with Him. They heard God's voice, it was familiar. God took them for walks and told them all the secrets of the universe. He told them, "Come, walk with me. There's something I want to show you." When He called the always followed.

Think about that for a minute. Let it marinate. 

I think of these things and something within me stirs up... I get a hunger for that knowledge of God. I want to know Him like Adam and Eve did. This has been a hunger of mine for as long as I can remember. AS a young girl (6 or 7) I used to pray, "God, I want to talk with you like Adam and Eve did... Jesus, I want to know you like the disciples did..." This desire is not uncommon. It's the way that God designed it to be. The intimacy that man experienced with God in the garden of eden is flawless and perfect. 

Have you ever asked God to take a walk with you? I have. Let me tell you, those walks I take with the Lord are some of my most cherished times. I'll lay down at night and ask the Lord where He wants to go or if He wants to show me or teach me something. It never fails, He'll turn to me and say "Common, what are you waiting for?" The things I've learned on those walks are things that I ponder in my heart and hold dear. I can gain more wisdom in a 5 minute walk with my Jesus than a whole day of studying.

I believe God is starting to move in the body of Christ in ways that He has not since Eden. We as the Bride of Christ are beginning to experience levels of freedom, prophetic words, wisdom, and revelation that we cannot fathom. I've heard it said that God is doing something new. I don't know if i agree with that, and I want to challenge that perspective. God is not doing something new, in fact, God is doing something old... something so old it hasn't been tapped into since creation. I don't have the slightest clue what He has planned on this crazy journey, but I can assure you of this, when He asks if I want to go walking my immediate, unhesitating, answer will be YES! 

Consuming Love

I have been wanting to blog for the longest time, and haven't been able to get my thoughts straight. So I figured maybe if I just wrote something would come out. So here we go. 


Lately, the song "You Can Have Me" by Sidewalk Prophets has stopped me in my tracks every time it comes on. The lines of the song are powerful, and though provoking. Here are the lyrics: 

If I saw You on the street
And You said come and follow me
But I had to give up everything
All I once held dear and all of my dreams

Would I love You enough to let go
Or would my love run dry
When You asked for my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

If You’re all You claim to be
Then I’m not losing anything
So I will crawl upon my knees
Just to know the joy of suffering

I will love You enough to let go
Lord, I give you my life
I give you my life

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

I want to be where You are
I’m running into Your arms
And I will never look back
So Jesus, here is my heart

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
You can have me

When did love become unmoving?
When did love become unconsuming?
Forgetting what the world has told me
Father of love, You can have me
My Father, my love
You can have me

This song never fails to make me ponder my life. I am in love with Jesus, first and foremost and I am closer now to the Lord than I ever have been before. That being said, there have been moments in the past few weeks where I have had to seriously ask myself, When did love become unconsuming? When did my to-do list, my hectic schedule, my new job, my bank account, or many other things become more consuming to me than God?

How does that happen? It's so easy to let the mundane things in our day to day life consume our thoughts. Even today at work I had so many things on my mind that I had to begin making a list just so I could focus on my work and not on the tasks that needed to be done when I got off. I hate to admit this, but not one thing that was consuming my thoughts today was the Lord. I believe that our thoughts and what we trust are in direct correlation to one another. It doesn't matter if it's in the area of finances, relationships, friendships, family, jobs, school, even ministry, I think that somewhere deep inside of each of us is a place that doesn't fully trust the Lord. 

Personally, I struggle in the area of relationships. I'm in a time in life where weddings are surrounding me, three of my best friends are getting married this summer. As you all can imagine weddings are one the best places to realize that your single.  Don't get me wrong the last thing I'm doing is complaining, I am happy being single, and am content in waiting on God's timing. Although I'm content it doesn't stop my questioning. I cling to the promises that I know the Lord has made me, still deep down there is that part of my heart that says "Did He really promise that?" "God, are you really  listening?" "God, do you really know what you're doing?"  Every time I come to the Lord and ask about this are He looks at me and says "Rebecca, do you trust me?" I'm ashamed to say there are times where my first answer is "Well.... Um... no."  That's when I have to remind me myself of who God is. 

The song says "If You’re all You claim to be, then I’m not losing anything". I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the God that I serve is the "I am" from the old testament. The very same God who parted the red sea and delivered His people out of Egypt is the same God that I dance before during worship. The same God who made Adam and Eve is the same God who cares for my needs. When I think of it that way, how can I not trust Him? How can I hesitate leaving my life in His hands? He knows with He is doing. His plans are far better than my own.

I am not losing anything by trusting the Lord. When I fully begin to trust, than I will be consumed by God. 

Trusting fully is the key.