Lesson in Trust

He's standing before me again asking for more. I don't know of anything I have left that He would want. I've willingly given all of my hurts, my brokenness, and my junk to Him. Yet He stands before me and asks for more. I cant help but wonder what else He thinks I have to give. 

Before I even realize whats happening He reaches into my heart and gently pulls out the deeply rooted, most precious parts of who I am. In His hand lies every hope, every dream, and every promise ever made. I suddenly feel very bare.  a resistance begins to rise within me, why would He take those things? Those are MY hopes, MY dreams! He gave those promises, He's not allowed to take them back. They belong to me, He can't have them. Looking at His hands I realize that I don't know who I am without these things. I find my identity in those dreams. I don't even know who I am without them.

My eyes meet His as I try to remain composed. Compassion, tenderness, and love is all that can been seen in His gaze. Very slowly I hear,

"Do you trust me?"

Instantly a seed of hurt springs up. Of course I trust Him. I've given Him everything else. Why can't I just keep this part of me? I don't want to surrender these things. My spirit begins to remind me of the times where He took my ashes and made something of beauty. What would He make out of something already lovely? Something within me begins to wonder if He wants more for me than I dare imagine. 

Again I hear Him ask ,

"Do you trust me?"

Yes. I do. I trust Him. Completely. I trust Him with the deepest parts of me. 

With a smile He turns to leave. I begin to wonder where He's going, when He turns around and gestures for me to follow. I'm not sure where He's going or what He's up to this time. all that I know for sure is that it's going be quite an adventure. 

A Journey of a Lifetime...

It's August... that means it's time to celebrate. One year ago, God rescued me out of a bad relationship and took me on the most incredible journey. I feel like passing this year mark is going to be one of those "landmark" moments on my life. Last night a dear friend and I began to talk about all that has gone on this past year, so much has happened that I felt the need to commemorate it by sharing my story.

Last August when God told me to walk away from the relationship I was in, I had no idea what things were going to look like. The journey that awaited me was so far away from what I had ever imagined. As I drove away from a boy who I thought I loved I couldn't help but laugh, For the first time in months I knew that I had heard the Lord and I had listened. The simpleness of that act might not seem like a big deal but after ignoring the voice of God for over 7 months finally responding with obedience was the best thing I could of ever done. When I got back to my mom's house and told her what had just happened she couldn't understand why I was so happy. I couldn't explain the reasons why I felt the way I did, all I knew is that I had made the right choice.

Two weeks later, I met with Janelle Coleman. I needed someone who would be accountability for me and someone who would walk with me as I healed. When I walked into the Coleman house that morning I had no idea that a door was about to be opened. Janelle began to tell me that her family was about to move and needed a housemate. Not 12 hours later it was decided, I was moving in. The first morning in my new house I woke up to the sound of 4 year old Josiah laughing, it was in that moment that I knew I had made the right decision.

Once I moved that's really when this big adventure began.

It was November, and for the past few months I had learned to listen to the voice of the Lord again. He began speaking more clearly and much more frequently. I knew that to get healing, my life had to change. My habits had to change, and my lifestyle had to change. I began reading "Set-Apart Femininity" by Leslie Ludy, This book wrecked my world. The way she spoke of her standards and the way she lived her life made me long for more than what I had. I knew the Lord was asking me to live a set-apart life. That meant many changes. I took the TV out of my room, and began to change the types of movies, TV shows, and music that I listened to. I began to seek out the Lord with everything within me. He was doing a change in my heart. He was taking me to a place that required everything of me.

Over the next few months the Lord began bringing people into my life who would pour into me and stretch me in ways that I have never experienced before. God began speaking destiny into my life. He gave me a new identity  He gave me vision. He gave me hope.

The Lord has met me in ways that I can hardly explain. He has transformed me, molded me and shaped me into a new creation. The woman I have become is very different from the girl I was a year ago. This year I have taken my faith and made it my own. My standards have gone from normal standards of someone my age, and become much higher. All this can be summed up by saying I'm thankful. I am so incredibly thankful for the love of the Father. I am so grateful for the grace and mercy that has been bestowed upon me. It is beyond my comprehension that God would choose me. I am blessed.

This year has been the most incredible ride and it's not over yet. It's just getting started. I better buckle up.